Day 24 - Mind the gap

I foresee that my blog posts will be further apart as I am attempting to get back to normal life…which right now is anything but normal. Relearning to eat food is very frustrating. I have patches of no feeling inside my mouth so I have no idea if I am biting myself or the "food". I can only open my mouth the tiniest bit…this is where those tiny spoons and plastic forks come in handy.

Insert delicious food into the slot

Jumping right into soft food is not as easy as they make it sound. I have had scrambled eggs, an avocado smushed into tiny pieces, couscous, over cooked mac and cheese shells and greek yogurt with honey. Everything else is still blended. I much prefer the blended meals to trying to chew…but i need to get my face moving so that my muscles know where their home really is. I tend to just be chewing very slowly up and down and then just swallowing things mostly whole. I am still having to use a mirror for reference as to where my mouth is.

Couscous adventures

The feeling comes in waves and it has been a struggle. Some times its a mild tingling that I can bear…other times its full on burning, throbbing and my teeth feel like they are vibrating. The latter happens mainly at night when I am trying to get ready for bed. Its quite terrible and may be driving me mad.

Here is today's feeling chart: 

• Green has a 40-50% return feeling, as in I can feel when something touches this part but I cant tell so much when it stops (the feeling lingers like a bug walking on your skin). 
• Blue is a 0-10% return. This is the area that has the most burning, stabbing, vibrating. This is also supposed to be the area that comes back last.

Feeling Blue:

I have been having waves of feeling defeated. It was warned in the pre-surgery packet that post surgery depression is a common occurrence and to just know that it is normal. My issue has been my mind is ready to work and to hang out and to exercise but my body is in no way ready. Its summer, everyone is out doing fun summer things and I get super tired when out in the sun. I would also love to go for a swim but can not submerge my head and its expressly forbidden to do anything more than walk at the moment. I have also been irritable about not being able to chew…who knew it was so hard. No wonder babies that just get new teeth are so cranky at meal time. All I need is a bib.  At least I almost have a real smile…even if it doesnt involve teeth

Returning Focus:

I have moved back into my bedroom at night and have returned the living room to normal. Its way less cozy to watch tv but im trying to shift back to regular life. I have also started to spend some time reading. My video game focus is pretty darn good and getting my eyes to follow fast moving objects and react to them is way better (not good enough for me to want to drive again, but better). I was having trouble before with eye strain when I would read… it was super taxing. I get through a few pages before I need a break and if I get too tired I just take a nap. I have a lot of books i wanted to spend time with during this recovery but had no idea how brain function would be effected by partial face removal surgery :P