Day 127: Super human sensation

Today I went to my Surgeon and Orthodontist. Here is the skinny, the area I call the "dead zone" is apparently the opposite, its the "Hyper-active zone". While my gums, lower teeth and inside of the lower lip have a delay in reaction and faint feeling the chin is SUPER sensitive. Dr Huang called it something like "dysesthesia" when I described it to him later. I told him that sounded official so it was probably right. 

 Anyway,  Dr. Olsson had me close my eyes while he lightly touched areas of my chin with both a dull and sharp instrument. I felt all of it as a horrible shooting tingling and could tell him what direction he was going when lightly tracing around my face…. the inside of my lip when faced with the same test eventually felt the sharp side… just a bit delayed.

So what probably is happening is that my feeling returned super quickly after surgery but has now plateaued a bit but is still healing. Dr. Olsson explained most people recover feeling more gradually but my nerves didn't want to wait around to come back… that sounds like me. He expects I will probably only have permanent damage at the very tip of my chin… I'm fine with that as long as the plastic face feeling goes away.

The wax facial feature feeling is probably the fact that the inside of my mouth still has less reactive patches and the outside is crazy reactive so it makes every movement feel tight. He says everything looks great and he isn't worried. Staying on the vitamins and trying to not be a crazy person.

Then onward to Dr. Huang's office… I was having some contact of my upper tooth with the very top of my lower front teeth. The hitting of these two teeth was sort of uncomfortable. He took a look and said we should rearrange my bands, as the lower teeth had wanted to advance more than we needed so it was the exact right time to stop them and just settle it all down for the next month. My bands are now stronger and straight up and down (a.k.a "the fangs"). This is officially a "Code: Sea Lion"…

And because I couldn't see the other two without stopping in to see Dr Nealis and Marybeth I went up to the dentist office and made an appointment for a cleaning when the braces come off.

All in all I feel much better, like maybe i am not totally falling apart after all… onward…

Four Months: Reintroduced to the wild

A little over 17 weeks… but I'm not counting or anything. A lot of stuff has been packed into this past month. But, to be perfectly honest, Ive spent the bulk of this month feeling like this:

and also like this…

My lower lip and chin are still non-existent or exist but on someone else's face. I'm tired & drained but I have work to do which means I have also started falling behind on things. But most of all I am getting nervous about teeth and lack of feeling. I'm also completely sick of having braces…

 So lets start the break down with the thing I most worry about…

Feeling / Movement / The Like:
Oh boy! So when I was set to get this surgery they tell you there is a risk of permanent nerve damage… Actually they remind you quite a lot about this. Especially if you are "no longer 18"…thanks, haha! When told about this it was explained its a 10% chance and that it could just be small patches that dont come back. The problem I have is that it is not a small patch. It has been 4 months of constant annoyance.

The dead zone is still a place where the cold, the hot, the spiky hang out. It also creeps from my lip into my gum line and the lower teeth join in on the feelingless fun. I can sense when my hand touches my face but if there is food or water there I am clueless. If you have ever had Novocaine then it is like the part where you can almost feel the pain again but it also feels like that part is asleep.

The biggest hassle with having this part of my face reacting this way is that i have to move it to do things. Sometimes I just feel my bottom teeth pulsate if I am not moving my lips. If I do move my lips it feels tight, like it is on fire and or may belong to someone else. I officially have a possessed phantom lip.

Because of this I have called the surgeon. He is going to give everything a look but I could be healing continuously into the 6 - 9 month period. At 9 months I'm most likely at the "this is what this is now" stage. Ya know…because I'm not 18.

In addition to just generally freaking out and muttering "this surgery wasn't worth it" I have upped the vitamin game. I had spoken to the surgical resident and was advised to get a B complex. I had already started on those a few months ago, so did some research and got a few others that may help nerve function, like fish oil. (I am no doctor so i asked people that actually are)

Here is the current line up

I also hate taking pills… so to make myself not totally give up I just take one multivitamin on the weekend. If Im doing something wrong ill know about it on Thursday. So far no change…

Except that the fish oil feels like a horse tranquilizer…

 Food / Eating:
This has been going slowly… so slowly but in the right direction. I am happy to say I had a salad finally. It was super tiny and took me 30 mins to eat but I ate it damn it! I can not eat whatever I want… there is no giant burger, no hard-shell taco dinners, no mixed nuts in my close future. I can manage small sushi rolls if i cut them in half, mini grilled cheese if i smash it flat (and bite super slowly), fish and chips if I eat tiny bits with a fork and only eat the soft fries, and all the ramen if it doesn't have bamboo shoots or other giant veggies.

*notice that completely clean bite…very satisfying.

eat all the tofu…leave all the bamboo

I can not have chips… I would like a potato chip. Just one… 

So I have purchased some seasonal flavors for when the time comes (i don't care if they end up being disgusting). Its like a pair of skinny jeans you cant fit into yet or something, except probably completely the opposite.

you will be mine…

 Travel:
Last month I was released back into the wild. I traveled to PA for Illuxcon and for the annual retreat in the woods. It was an interesting adventure. I didn't expect travel to be so hard. I hate flying under normal situations but flying when you are constantly worried someone is going to bump into you or your face is going to explode upon take off is another added hurdle. It didn't help that a very large fidgety man playing his video game with the sound on pinned me up to the window for the full flight to Philly.

Inside I am screaming

The first couple days may have been the hardest. Travelling to a convention and having so many conversations, enough to cut my lip in 2 places because of laughing. BUT! I got to see people I only see once a year, we made up games and drank lots of poorly prepared cocktails.

At Illuxcon, creating a new game called "police sketch artist".

Afterwards a handful of us retreated into the "woods" to make art and trouble. I got a cold. My body is not sure why I am torturing it but I am… it is lashing out.

 Thanks to friend (or enemy?) Tony Palumbo, I was reminded to stay away from the snack table…

I spent Halloween fighting the cold but also enjoying movies at Dave and Dena's cat palace. I got to see my friends Elyse and Michael and also picked up some wax teeth from Jinxed. The return flight was much more spacious but the descent was far more painful. My sinuses and ears felt like they were going to explode. I fought the urge to blow my nose with extreme force and eventually my ears squeaked back to normal.

When I got home I was greeted by this awesome gift from Miranda and Josh at Clutter. Mmm tooth necklace, Ecto 1, my future pop rocks meal, and my finalist badge from the DTAs. :)

  

Even tho travelling has been quite taxing I will be going again very soon. This time to LA, to another convention (note to self, bring orthodontic wax). If you are going to Designer Con, say hi to me!

Day 53: Allergies

Life is slowly getting more normal, like the return of allergies! I would like to thank my body for resisting the urge to torture me with the seasonal allergy during initial recovery. I guess my body is like "meh you're fine now, here is this thing that makes you sneeze and makes you want to claw out your eyes…thats cool, right? Yeah, its cool".

Sneezing is still interesting. Just remembering to sneeze out the mouth…try not to claw out eyes. Repeat.

Numbness / general face progress:
Progress feels so SLOW! ARRRRGH! I have some puffiness still…. i guess it takes a while. I'm a little lopsided still. Under my nose is still…weird…i don't know how else to put it. I feel like it sticks out and my lips have to strain to touch, making me look like i have tiny lips.

That doesnt make any sense, my upper jaw is smaller so there should be more upper lip to go around. Maybe its the stitches still being around with a bit of swelling.

My chin and lower lip is still a bane on my existence. Yes, it is that dramatic. It feels completely fake. It tingles all the time and touching it now is horrible. Its a sensation dumping ground. I think it means that feeling is coming back. The muscles are still very week. Eating or talking to people is the oddest feeling. It is like i have tape holding down all the skin on my chin, it feels like its not moving and being held back. Torture.

Eating:
I am getting better at food. I have been eating a lot of microwave veggie pot pie. I have been eating a lot of veggies wilted or cooked till soft. I really haven't been eating sweets. So odd, I love pastries… just haven't been interested. Maybe this is a new thing. I did buy a muffin today, a morning glory muffin…. so carrot, raisin, ect. I ate it with a fork but I ate it. I wasn't totally into it because it was sweet. I'm surprised that there has been such a shift in my food tastes. Probably for the best…

The act of eating is becoming less horrible to probably look at. Fewer things end up on my chin and its more deliberate. I have been having an easier time chewing on the left side of my face. Trying to be more mindful to give both sides a good eating workout.

Skin:
Oh, skin…why do you hate me? Surgery skin is such a pain in the butt. I cant really get a scrub going yet but I'm trying out some masks. I got a new one from Lush and hoping it helps. They seem to help a little bit but I'm sure once my body calms down I wont need to experiment so much.

Perfect title when you leave the house
sans make-up with a nice sheen of  "surgery skin"

Its cooling AND matches my hair

A Tooth for A Tooth:

Tomorrow I will be finally posting things to my shop. Tooth related things that i made. Only my teeth have been harmed in the making of these pieces. To learn more, check out the link at the top of the page. I have been in the studio for a few days. Little chunks of working! 

A Tooth for A Tooth Project

Misc:

If you have sent me a note, a text, a letter, a package, or stopped in to see me, let me just say that I really appreciate it. You are all super awesome!

A fantastic gift with awesome packaging!
Im a sucker for a wood box…cant wait to try the perfume!

Day 39: That tingling feeling

My next appointment with the surgeon and the orthodontist is closing in fast. On Thursday I get the splint removed from the roof of my mouth. While I look forward to being able to say my S' again, I am very nervous about how they are actually going to get it out of my face. The metal posts go thru the gums, the most terrifying twist ties. While im very sick of my jaw being numb, I may have to get them to re-numb the top…I have the fear.

Beware the metal twist ties… who knows how many lurk within

I'm unsure as to how many of my teeth actually have feeling now. When I chew I only feel it in patches. I'm hoping they are just numb enough for my first return Orthodontic appointment (which is also Thursday). I will be getting new bands and having brackets repaired and replaced.

Numbness:
My bottom jaw is still void of actual feeling but it is not lacking in extreme spiky, burning sensations with a bit of muscle squirming thrown in. I really hope this terrible sensation means I will get all nerve function back eventually. I have to remind myself that it hasnt been that long since surgery, im actually ahead of the game, just impatient. It would be more bearable if my lip had feeling. I think I have been biting my lip but i have no idea.

A dash of this, a pinch of that and a handful of this gives you:

The Dead Zone

Sleep:
Sleeping has been interesting…I am still trying to stay at a slight incline but started waking up on my side, sliding halfway down the pillow. It makes my face feel odd to be sleeping on my side. I think I am also grinding my teeth or my jaw spasms in the night. Either way I wake up because my teeth are touching in an odd manner… OR maybe its only odd because my teeth never meet before? Who knows?

Vitamins:
I have started taking supplements, a D3, B complex (B1, B2, B6, B12) - 5 times a week and a multivitamin 2 times. I was told to take a multivitamin in liquid form when I was on a liquid diet. Now that I can open my maw more I take in pill form. I had a D deficiency going in to surgery so giving bone health a boost was a no brainer. B vitamins assist with the nervous system. I consulted a pharmacist when picking out a D and B vitamin.

Chewing:
This is still a dull subject. Dull because I have little feeling in my teeth. Chewing is a dull pressure that sort of just happens. Some teeth randomly give a pain signal, and sometimes my jaw muscles forget what they are doing…makes everything very interesting. I actually dont know how to chew properly yet, i only have the up and down motion. I never had teeth that touched so its going to take a while to adapt. The body is good at adapting, I just wish I could feel it adapting so I knew what was going on.

Exercises:
Last week I went to the gym twice. I have found I can swim laps slowly with my head above water for about 30 mins. I can ride a spin bike for about an hour, using resistance and while remaining in the seat, slightly upright. I am going to keep it up, 2 days a week, until I can do more.

When I do go to the gym I feel great afterwards…the following day however, I feel like I ran a marathon. My body just needs to get used to this. It also needs to get back to working in the studio…

Day 34: Work it out

Today is another milestone, my first day back to the gym! When at 100% capacity I normal go for a 75 min spin class, today I made it through 50 mins of that class. I could not push as hard or do everything the class did but made a good first effort. Getting that kind of exercise actually relieved the pressure around my sinuses…im chalking it up to getting the blood pumping a little bit. It also made me super tired. Worth it!

Swelling:
My face is getting back to "normal"…I guess whatever the new normal is. I still have swelling under my nose and a bit along the jawline. I am actually getting a jawline now! The swelling is a bit more on the left side, the side that had the largest plate installed.

Movement:
I am starting to get more movement in my face. The top lip is still rather stiff but my left side has a mean Elvis. The muscles are very stiff. I need to look into some face exercises to prompt more healing. I can open my mouth further tho! If I take the guide elastics out I can now get the baby brush in between the top and bottom jaw, enough to brush the biting surfaces.

Yawning is still annoying. I still have to hold my face when a yawn comes on as the muscles really tense up. I have since sneezed as well. That was terrifying. It didnt hurt but my face was a little sore afterwards. You have to sneeze out of your mouth and not your nose. Prepping for a sneeze is somewhat comical, leaning forward, holding the jaw with an open mouth. By the time the body is prepped for the sneeze it has since decided to abort the mission.

Teeth:
My teeth are tender in spots. They are also getting stained from the prescription mouth wash. When I was sent home from the hospital I was to use the mouth wash 3 times a day. Now im down to just once a day but you really have to scrub with a proxabrush to get the color off. Problem is, applying pressure to scrub is sort of unpleasant…I have been doing this when I go out since you can sort of see my fangs now. Basically it just looks like I had a lot of coffee.

Stitches still are coming out in clumps. It's gross. Especially gross when a knot comes out, passing a little stitch spider. :P

Food:
Happily I am eating more creatively. I have not been blending my food but have opted for softer or smaller foods. I do however, really need to blend more green smoothies so I can get more leafy greens in my diet. I make most of what I eat but i do still enjoy the soup at the Wholefoods hot bar. Tonight Jarrett and I did order our first delivery meal since surgery, Thai food! I got a rice tofu soup and Pad See Ew with tofu. I cant eat the broccoli but the noodles can be chopped up. It was so good. I did manage to scrape out some crab rangoon filling as well.  Mostly I am just excited to eat tiny pasta and spinach.

Day by day:
I am slowly getting into a groove. I have been cleaning and organizing the house. I will finish this process in the studio, that will be the day I am ready to start hanging out in there again. Until then I clean a little, do some basic errands, play some video games and take it easy.

Octo-love from my sister. 

I am able to go out for about 3-4 hours before I get super drained but I am able to buzz around the house most of the day. Tomorrow I will attempt to drive! I have been super nervous to drive around because my focus was not as good and my head could not turn completely. Im only going to go a few miles at a time….or Ill just stay home forever.

One Month!

This weekend marks one month post surgery! While I still have some daily challenges I have been coming along.

Side by side smile comparison provided by Miranda.
Last week vs 2013 at Clutter Gallery.

Today's face progress

The swelling continues to linger but it has gone down…slowly but surely. I have started applying ice again in the evening. The hot compresses started making the tingling more pronounced in the evening and I want to eventually get to sleep. I found a cold wrap really comforting when I got back from the hospital so why fight a good thing. I found, in my cleaning adventures, that I had an ice pack with a velcro strap (from walgreens). I just strap it around my head and i dont have to keep fiddling with it. Perfect for applying ice while reading.

One month of facial feelings:

Here is a good chart of how the feeling has been coming along since week one. The feeling shifts around a bit as everything gets in its groove…or rebuilds entirely. The green is the 50% return and blue is the bit that didnt get the memo. 

Week one, two, three and four

Chewing:

While feeling is returning it is still pretty hard to actively chew. It feels like there is a strap across my chin that pulls backward every time i open my mouth to put food in. My teeth on the left side are tender. Pushing down feels odd and and a bit sore…kind of like a cavity, i was told this may be due to the nerves regaining feeling. I do not have any sensitivity to heat or cold. Even tho im getting more advanced with food options it still is a less than comfortable experience.

Fun, Friends, & Flapjacks:

This past week I have had some visitors, house guests, meals in restaurants and have started organizing my home. My first meal out of the house was crazy, my friend Nonie came in to visit from Philly and we went for burgers. Well, Jarrett and Nonie ate burgers and fries, I had an espresso shake and 4 mushy fries. It was glorious! After dinner we met up with some other friends who were drawing at a bar and even later on we went to the bar arcade where i ventured to have a beer and play some pinball. It was the longest I had been out of the house.

love seeing these faces

The following day my oldest friend, Arkady, came into town from St. Paul. We all went to dinner again, I brought my little spoon and hunkered down with some bean / cheese/ egg dip and a beer. The next morning I was all over some pancakes. I ate almost the full plate…which then made my stomach hurt. I have not been used to all that food.

I was so exhausted the following day that I had to just stay in my pjs. I must say breakfast food is awesome if you can not chew fully (I love breakfast food anyway, but it leveled up). I discovered that tofu seasoned with black sesame, soy sauce and pepper with small cut mix greens is also a fantastic option. I have since also gone out 2 more times for bfast with family.

Level up that soft food

Everyone has been super sweet and supportive. I know it will take me more time to get back to being able to be out longer and begin working but the gifts and love keep coming. It is so nice to get letters and care packages from friends all over. It really makes me feel pretty awesome.

 I have been able to spend a few more hours out at a time before the fatigue sets in. Yesterday I was out for about 3 hours, walking around and doing some shopping with my mother in law. Today I was out for about 3 hours and walked over 2 miles with my Sister in Law and niece. Another omelet and a trip to the zoo was pretty excellent. A lovely day to get some exercise!

Adventuring with this little lady

Over the next week I hope to clean and organize a room (or part of a room) a day in my home. I would like to finally do my spring cleaning and as a result I hope to get back into doing a little work on personal projects. 

I also hope to return to the gym for some light activity. I have to consult my surgeon to get the go ahead but Im kind of sick of being lazy. 

I will also be releasing my Tooth for A Tooth pieces soon. I had prepped some pieces before my surgery and am almost ready to finish them up for the shop. 

Day 24 - Mind the gap

I foresee that my blog posts will be further apart as I am attempting to get back to normal life…which right now is anything but normal. Relearning to eat food is very frustrating. I have patches of no feeling inside my mouth so I have no idea if I am biting myself or the "food". I can only open my mouth the tiniest bit…this is where those tiny spoons and plastic forks come in handy.

Insert delicious food into the slot

Jumping right into soft food is not as easy as they make it sound. I have had scrambled eggs, an avocado smushed into tiny pieces, couscous, over cooked mac and cheese shells and greek yogurt with honey. Everything else is still blended. I much prefer the blended meals to trying to chew…but i need to get my face moving so that my muscles know where their home really is. I tend to just be chewing very slowly up and down and then just swallowing things mostly whole. I am still having to use a mirror for reference as to where my mouth is.

Couscous adventures

The feeling comes in waves and it has been a struggle. Some times its a mild tingling that I can bear…other times its full on burning, throbbing and my teeth feel like they are vibrating. The latter happens mainly at night when I am trying to get ready for bed. Its quite terrible and may be driving me mad.

Here is today's feeling chart: 

• Green has a 40-50% return feeling, as in I can feel when something touches this part but I cant tell so much when it stops (the feeling lingers like a bug walking on your skin). 
• Blue is a 0-10% return. This is the area that has the most burning, stabbing, vibrating. This is also supposed to be the area that comes back last.

Feeling Blue:

I have been having waves of feeling defeated. It was warned in the pre-surgery packet that post surgery depression is a common occurrence and to just know that it is normal. My issue has been my mind is ready to work and to hang out and to exercise but my body is in no way ready. Its summer, everyone is out doing fun summer things and I get super tired when out in the sun. I would also love to go for a swim but can not submerge my head and its expressly forbidden to do anything more than walk at the moment. I have also been irritable about not being able to chew…who knew it was so hard. No wonder babies that just get new teeth are so cranky at meal time. All I need is a bib.  At least I almost have a real smile…even if it doesnt involve teeth

Returning Focus:

I have moved back into my bedroom at night and have returned the living room to normal. Its way less cozy to watch tv but im trying to shift back to regular life. I have also started to spend some time reading. My video game focus is pretty darn good and getting my eyes to follow fast moving objects and react to them is way better (not good enough for me to want to drive again, but better). I was having trouble before with eye strain when I would read… it was super taxing. I get through a few pages before I need a break and if I get too tired I just take a nap. I have a lot of books i wanted to spend time with during this recovery but had no idea how brain function would be effected by partial face removal surgery :P