Day 76: Forever numb

I hope one day to get feeling back…its maddening to say the least. It is completely distracting and does effect my mood quite a bit. I try to stay generally up beat and just do what I can but some days just aren't so good. I keep thinking there is something wrong, like I will be this way forever but then I have to remind myself  it has actually only been 2.5 months. I find looking at other surgery blogs helpful, helps to remind me this is all normal and if anything I am ahead of the curve.

Chart of feeling / non-feeling

Here is where the chin feeling is today.

Green: Faint return of sensation, I can touch it and can feel gentle tingling where my finger actually is on my face. This is the same area that feels wet when I drink anything cold (even when nothing is running down my face it feels like it)

Light Blue: This is the area of constant sensation and tightness. My lower lip and right below. If I touch lightly the whole chin fires off in a very spiky "asleep" way. It also sends a strange signal to my lower teeth.

Dark Blue: Nothing. I can feel the surrounding area fire off because it recognizes pressure but the skin has no feeling. If i push a little harder the skin feels bruised. For all i know it is.

Hot and cold: This is where there is the most unusual reactions. I can not really feel my lower lip so when I rest something hot on my lip it feels like a giant burning wet noodle slapped down the front of my chin. If I drink something cold my chin feels like water is rushing over the outside…it's not.

My upper jaw is still sore, on either side of my nose is tenderness. If I push on my sinuses I can feel the plates on that side of my face. Its all just creepy.

9/23 - progress

I have been going back and forth on how I think I look. My face hasn't quite settled yet so I'm trying to reserve judgment until its all healed. My smile annoys me as it isn't quite right. I used to have dimples, I'm curious if they will come back.

Swelling:
I still have a bit of swelling under my nose, under my cheekbones and along the jaw line. I am even a little lop-sided today, my lips are being pulled almost to one side…its something that changes almost daily.

My Jaw: The Jerk
I have been having the strangest thing occur; If I am sitting reading, or watching TV, or writing this blog, ect… My Jaw will suddenly jerk open and then back to start. Usually this results in a tongue in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't understand this phenomena, more research is required.

Morning of surgery vs Today

Movement:
The muscles in my lower jaw are not even yet, I feel it most when I start talking to someone. I am not sure if my lower lip is forming words properly. I have been practicing pulling crazy faces in the mirror…"exercise". I have also noticed inside my upper lip that the skin grew back a bit oddly, may be making the movement a bit tighter…not sure yet.

Energy:
This is still a hit or miss area. I have days where I feel normal (minus the numbness) and can get a lot done, then there are days where I get nothing done. I am not able to work steadily yet but Ill get there.
I do fear all those personal projects I wanted to work on are going to get overtaken by work I actually need to do. I was hoping to be further along by now, so I will have to schedule personal work into my regular life. This is probably a healthy thing to do anyway.

This past weekend I had the ultimate test of stamina. Several friends came in from out of town. During the week I got to see friends Erica and Alex and had my first full day outing. Friday my good friend Andrew and his gf Becky came to stay the weekend. For 3 days I was out and about almost non-stop! At night I was done and had to rest my face with ice. There would be parts of the day I would have to stop talking or sit down but for the most part, success! I also attended a baby shower and went out for my husband's bday. I am a bit tired now…maybe I should take a day to lay about.

Andrew, Becky and I on a pinball adventure

Food:
I am happy to say this is going in the right direction. It is hard to get used to. My teeth still feel very strange, they are mostly numb on my right side. This makes eating on this side kind of horrible. I can not apply pressure and if my k9s touch I tend to jump. I did have an eating milestone tho, a breakfast burrito! With the use of a steak knife, fork and a lot of time it was conquered. Tiny bits by tiny bits.

I have found that I just need to try to bite down on things, if it doesn't budge I stop and scratch it from the currently possible list.

Gym:
So….running is way harder than I remember. I have not gone for a real run since late last year…which is probably why I should have worked at this a little more carefully. I went for a 2 mile run, right out of the gate. At first it felt very odd, had to keep my jaw open so I did not clench the teeth together. I was very surprised by how much easier it is to breathe. I could run for quite a bit before getting out of breath. Then about a mile and a half out my legs started hurting. My hip has been bothering me since…sooo I need to not go whole hog. I still can not do weight lifting which is a bit of a bummer. Can not go underwater yet either.  Everything in my life is currently "feel it out and see if it works, don't push too hard tho".

 Misc:
Still trying to work but find it difficult to stay on task. my brain is still rather scattered and the numbness really is a distraction. Other blogs I read put some of my current symptoms even later down the line… but basically I'm hoping my chin returns to normal over night.

Here are some toothy and lovely gifting I have received lately. So much toothy goodness…

Two Months down…

It has been 2 months since my face off adventure! Here is my 9 week time-lapse. It is really interesting to flip through all my photos; You can even see the moment where I got my splint out and my face puffed up again:

Slowly slowly…

Things are moving right along, I am mostly just frustrated I am not at 100% yet. I'm impatient. I have a ways to go but progress is being made. I have decided to not work more than 3 days a week. Getting back in the studio is important but i need time to relax as well. I am happy that I do work for myself going through this, but it is stressful not making steady income. If I worked for an office I wonder how the transition would be. Operating a sewing machine for the first month was definitely not happening.

Working out

Today I successfully completed a full 75min spin class! I cant do everything to the same degree but this time I stayed the whole time. I have also been cleared to get back on the treadmill. I have to go super slow, light jogging at the most. No bouncing around, no clenched jaws. My goal is to go from 2 gym days to 3. So, 1 full rest day, 3 work days, 3 workout days…they may not be the same days.

Eating & Feeling:

The feeling (or lack of) is still super annoying. My chin and lower lip are still very confused. While there appears to be an awakening, a stirring, it is pretty void. If i run my finger along my chin there is a delay. If I drink something cold it feels like there is cold liquid pouring down my face (but there isn't). If I put cold cream on my face it feels like there is cold liquid in my mouth (there isn't).  There is a constant coldness, hotness, spikiness, tightness. I hate washing my face or even touching my lip or chin.

The feeling on the roof of my mouth is also coming in. Currently it just feels like I burnt the roof of my mouth with hot cheese two days ago.

I also get random spasms. I will be sitting on the couch and my jaw will make a quick movement, quickly shut or quickly twitch open.

Here is my (still) current feeling chart vs earlier in recovery.

Eating is still a challenge. Even tho I am getting a normal amount of calories, about 1500, my body still holds on to everything. I think it is still "doomsday prepping". I also play "guess whats on my face"daily.

I feel like i was eating more variety on a liquid diet as well, which may or may not be true. I try to get lots of veggies but i have to cook everything down. I think the hardest thing I can manage is a kernel of cooked corn. I sadly could not eat croissants i bought last week…tragic. I keep trying different things but often land on pasta, arugula and  feta. I feel like i got sick of having the same meal a lot quicker when everything was liquid. Maybe it was texture based bias.

Teeth:
Ever since I got the bands adjusted to slightly larger I have not had any of the tooth / jaw pain. They still aren't quite right but i cant tell which ones have feeling just yet. I still hate the way my teeth touch properly. They do not all have feeling, really not comfortable in there.

I did have my first tooth nightmare. I dreamt that, even tho i had braces, my teeth were falling out. They were cracking and falling out of my mouth in pieces. I was running around in the middle of the night trying to find someone to put my teeth back together. It was kind of terrible…Maybe I was grinding my teeth in my sleep.

Visits:
I got a great, even tho short, visit from my good friend Dawn and hubby Ben. They had a long layover and it gave me a good excuse to take my first long drive. I also got to eat some ramen and buy a sweet bun. Oh, and work out those smile muscles :)